The friendship getaway

Is there anything more romantic than a weekend by the sea with your best friend?

I recently travelled to Penzance for a talk about The Tidal Year at Newlyn Art Gallery. It was a lovely evening in their gallery space which looks out onto the big blue sea. I went with my friend Orla, so we could make a weekend of it and I had such a gorgeous time that I wanted to tell you about it here. 

I’m deep in redrafting my second book and reading The Tidal Year in Newlyn reminded me how much of that book is about the romance of friendship. My WIP novel is much more about love between siblings and romantic partners, so I was missing that a bit and decided to write about friendship here instead while I’m feeling so loved up and inspired. Here are some reflections on my favourite moments this holiday…

We boarded the sleeper train from London. We had a whisky in the drinks carriage. We woke up in Cornwall, opening the blinds to see the city change into coastline. We shared sunrise swims. We shivered together, then got warm again. We saw the sun come up. We talked about the seasons changing. We talked about change. Change, as always, led a little bit to hope and what was around the corner for both of us this autumn. We slept in the same bed. We woke up together. We sat on the sofa and both stared at our phones for a while. We walked, a lot. Orla and I both share a habit of pointing at things and saying them aloud. We do this at menus also. Some people find my constant inner monologue quite annoying, but I like the intimacy of being able to say: look at that, look at this and know someone is there to look with me. We had time to run out of things to talk about.

That last one is the most important. Because that’s where bonding happens, I believe. It’s in being together when you’ve had a chance to feel reflective. To strike on something similar to boredom and contentment. What happens in your mind in these moments? What do you say about when you’ve run out of things to say?

We’d intended to go for a big night out on the town, but at the last minute said: ‘Do you fancy just… staying in?’ Ah there’s no greater feeling than knowing you’re totally on the same page. We went back to Chapel House where I put on a fire, Orla made nettle tea and we got cosy on the sofa under a blanket to watch TV. I bought (yes bought) the Sex and the City boxset so that we could watch episodes together at any time, ad-free, forever. I don’t know why it’s taken me so long to do this (how can I pay for Now TV and still be subjected to adverts?). I hope you can imagine what a delightful, wholesome scene this was because it was exceptionally cosy. 

Now, I don’t love to be hugged by people. I’m not sure why, but I feel a some shame around this and worry it makes me a bad, cold friend. I do like to be close to my friends though and a closeness that feels especially intimate and warm to me is reading beside one another, being curled up on the sofa watching a boxset, sharing a bed. That lovely calm proximity where your breathing matches up. Three days of that, it was bliss! 

While I am not a ‘big squeeze’ person, I am a real ‘deep chats’ person. Ah, I love nothing more than going deep and dark into childhood or long-forgotten crushes or projecting complex psychological backstories onto mutual acquaintances in a dimly-lit wine bar. Waiter! Top me up! I never find it kills the mood as I don’t mind bungeeing back up from deep to trivial because, as I see it, that is life. The dark and the deep all mixed up with the light. 

However, I’m not very good about talking about my relationships with people when they’re like, right there. I’m not sure why. Is this a British thing? Perhaps I just like a comfortable distance. It is, however, something I’m trying to work on and I made an effort to tell Orla how much she means to me (she’s very good at being open and vulnerable which I admire about her). We had a bottle of wine at Lovetts, some Cornish cheeses and sat in candlelight talking about what a year we’ve had and some things we’re looking forward to. 

Sunrise Swims and Sex and the City

Note: if you’re reading this thinking, ‘she sounds like an unbearable, pretentious Bougie London Literary Woman with her cheese board and her nettle tea and her lovely Cornish swims.’ Yes, you are correct. I am. But you know what, we all need to indulge in being a BLLW every now and then (or at least, I do). We deserve these perfect weekends with our friends, and it’s important to make time for them.

We all prioritise weekends like these with romantic partners, but we don’t have the same rituals for friendships. Why no anniversaries, for example? And why are romantic getaways reserved for lovers? Friends need their candle-lit declarations of love too! Orla has known me longer than my partner has. She has seen me change forms many times. She holds a wisdom about me that is important. We have a history that deserves investment, love and time.

We stayed at the delightful Chapel House in Penzance

Since moving in with J, I’ve noticed I’ve had less sleepovers with my friends. I suppose because life is a constant sleepover with J now. As my partnership with him develops, I’m trying to not let it overshadow my other formative and important relationships. After all, my friendships are integral to who I am. They made me the woman he fell in love with.

I’m also trying to make sure I view romance as something not to reserve only for him. Boyfriends do not need to be greedy little gatekeepers of your ability to be cute. To be honest, sometimes it feels like they don’t care for it that much anyway? Ladies, ammiiright?

Romance is infinite. We all have the capacity to share it around to all the loved ones in our life and, I’ve found, it multiples. When you give out romance, you get more back. 

So, I hope this reminds you to find time for the small moments with someone who has made a big impact on your life. Go somewhere on a train, stay the night, have a swim, sleep over and spend all night talking.

Thank you to Chapel House for having us. It was a gorgeous weekend and I felt truly at home (if my home was full of incredible art and I owned a grand piano and a marble fireplace). It was wonderful to be able to relax as soon as we came through the door and I’m sure it made the weekend feel longer. Readers, if you’re looking for somewhere to visit for your next friendship getaway – look no further! The friendliest staff. Delicious bacon rolls for breakfast. Gorgeous interiors. Amazing location. Swims nearby and sauna on site. Oh, and kitchens stocked with lovely little touches like the aforementioned nettle tea.

Freya x

Nature I’m noticing…

The sea glowing orange as the sun rises.

Fallen leaves like shredded pink confetti in the gutter.

Cherry red leaves as big as my face.

Shadows stirring patterns on the pavement.

Questions I’m asking…

Am I a bad person if Gifts is my love language? I say it’s Quality Time. But really, it’s gifts. It’s always been gifts.

When will I know I’m finished with therapy?

Why did I continue to pay for Now TV only to still have adverts, when I could have been owning SATC this whole time?!

Is it possible to make woolly jumpers not smell like wool?

Answers I’ve found…

Buying a special cable to use your own headphones on flights is a good investment.

Preparing to do the thing isn’t doing the thing.

Writing short, sweet Substack posts is hard. It’s always easier to overwrite.

We all deserve extensive herbal tea collections.

As always, the questions and answers don’t seem to match. That’s ok.